You know when something "bad" happens to you and you are left confused about it. You may wonder why this thing happened to you or its purpose. You may have well intentioned people giving you advise or suggestions regarding the thing. By my nature, quite honestly, I am nosey. I am one who likes to deconstruct and figure out root causes. I also like my ducks in a row.
In our society, we like knowing EVERYTHING about everything. We have such an immense amount of information at our fingertips. I love searching the internet to find out more about various subjects. I love talking to others about what's going on. I love watching television to get the inside story.
But, I think that there is a dark side to that. Like I need to be asking myself who am I that I should know all this information?! Sometimes, not knowing the why is okay. You are protected from knowing more than you should. You are shielded from ugliness. You are free to form your own opinion. You don't take on responsibility that isn't yours to begin with.
When my husband and I were first married, the Lord blessed us with a whopper of a challenge. I am talkin' about a huge, hard, and painful obstacle. Seriously. It was more than I could wrap my head around. I came to understand about "the peace that passes understanding."
I really, really, really wanted to know the why. I prayed over and over for the why. I remember at one point, literally, laying on the kitchen floor crying and praying. I asked why over and over again. Why, Lord, why? At that moment, I remembered that I could ask the Holy Spirit to pray on my behalf, to pray for me when my words failed. That Holy Spirit can really pray, too. Wiser than I could ever be, the Holy Spirit must have prayed for something that I could have never asked for on my own. God told me to rest in Him, to know that He had our best interest in mind and He was working all the details out.
God's answer irked me. Big time. I could not believe it. I knew I should be thankful for this. But I really wasn't. I thought I needed to know the why and all its details. Come on God. Really? Don't you know that this is a very serious situation? Don't you know we are hanging on by a frail thread? Don't you know how hard it is to have peace right now?
I wonder if God ever wants to answer us in a Valley Girl voice? "So, like, ya. I tooooootally know what you mean. Like, peace is, like, so hard to have."
Of course He knows. Like, duh.
So, I began a tough journey. I was to really rely on God for peace and not ask why. I could never fully tell you what a honor and blessing this situation turned out to be. In not being worried about the why, God worked out some really awesome things. Even 13 years after the fact, I am still blessed. God did reveal some of the why. But not all of it. That's okay. Know why? Because it was never my business in the first place.
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